Journey of Self-Discovery: Relationship Enhancement through Love Languages

Unearth the treasure of understanding and applying love languages in your relationships. Grasp the art of truly connecting with your loved ones through quality time, warm words of affirmation, heartfelt acts of service, compassionate physical touch, and thoughtful gift-giving. This episode will guide you on a journey of self-discovery and relationship enhancement.

Engage with us as we delve deeper into the complexity of physical touch and its role in expressing love and support. We will also probe into the discomfort some people feel with touch and how to navigate these reactions effectively. Listen and learn how to live a sincere life, free from distractions, and be the person you've always aspired to be. We will share insights on how small acts of love can make a big difference and why personal happiness trumps societal success metrics. Join us for this enriching conversation and transform the way you express your love.

Credits: 

Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

5lovelanguages.com

https://www.shaneco.com/theloupe/jewelry-education/love-relationships/popular-love-languages/#:~:text=The%20Most%20Popular%20Love%20Language%20by%20Gender&text=Again%2C%20for%20both%20men%20and,their%20favorite%20expression%20of%20love.

How to Use Words of Affirmation in Your Relationship - Verywell Mind

Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! 
Start for FREE

Www.tonemotivates.com

https://youtube.com/@tonemotivates?si=SOd04bWsBxCFTDSA

https://www.instagram.com/tonemotivates?igsh=dG55bGtvZHI0Mmww&utm_source=qr

https://www.instagram.com/shadesoftone_podcast?igsh=ZDRtazR

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:40

Yo, yo, yo hey. Motives is the one, and only tone motivates. It's a beautiful morning. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I know I got to sing some. Yeah, I know I have to sing something. What's good? Guys, y'all ready to send these kids back to school? Hmm, I am, but I did really, really enjoy the summer and all that it entailed. So today I thought it would be great for us to talk about love languages.

Speaker 1: 1:18

A lot of times people think that love languages are only for relationships and stuff like that, but it can apply to all aspects in our lives and those that we care and love for. So yeah, I know I got to start y'all off with a quote. I'm glad Emotional need is not to fail in love, but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving. The kind of love requires effort and discipline. It is the choice to expend energy and an effort to benefit the other person. Knowing that it is he or her. Life is enriched by your effort. You too, will find a sense of satisfaction, the satisfaction of having genuinely loved, and that's by Gary Chapman, with the five love languages how to express heartfelt commitment to your meat.

Speaker 1: 2:25

So let's get right into it. What is love language? Now, the term love language refers to the way that a person prefers to express love to, and receive it from, a partner. So let's get right into it. What types of love language are there? So there's several types of love languages, five to be exact. The most popular ones. And the most popular ones are quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch and receiving gifts. So what does this mean? So, with quality time, quality time is giving your loved one uninterrupted time while being engaged in attentive and shared activities or convos, right? So that's not looking at your phone or doing a million other things while you're made. Is trying to talk to you. That's giving your undivided attention to a friend that just needed to vent.

Speaker 1: 3:25

Now, of course, this goes back to another episode as far as boundaries and stuff like that. If you do not have the mental capacity to do this, by all means do not. But I do feel that if we care for someone, people have bad days and that's just part of the human experience, and we should care to show a person that we care by just listening and things like that. People feel a lot of times that we have to give materialistic things for a person to know that they're cared for, and that's not the case. I, personally, I Don't care about anything materialistic. It I am a thoughts that count kind of girl. But the best thing that you could ever give me is quality time. Do what you say you want to do and Just be accountable to yourself. Show up for me. You know what I mean. But I have learned that if a person doesn't show up for themselves, there is no way that they're going to show up for you, right? So don't take what I said about quality time verbatim. You know, apply it to your life and Things that you experience with the people in your circle, in your world and your tribe, stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 4:38

So the next one is words of Affirmation. Now, words of affirmation are words that communicate your respect, appreciation and love for your loved one, right? So some examples of this is showing appreciation, being genuine, giving compliments, being authentic and trustworthy, right? So, basically, if I see someone is doing a damn hard job and they're struggling, but they have Made progress, i'ma tell them like you, I see you, I'm proud of you, and a lot of people are scared to Genuinely acknowledge someone and their hard work. I don't know why, cuz I am All of my friends biggest fans. If you like it, I love it. I'm there for you. If I don't agree, I'll let you know.

Speaker 1: 5:22

But I don't judge anyone and I love people where they are, where they're at, if I choose to do so. So I Love telling people that I love my son every day, that I love him. You know what I mean. I always give compliments. I don't care if you're a girl walking down the street. If I like your dress, girl, I'm gonna tell you I like your dress. If you tell me that you like my dress, I'm gonna tell you what the hell I got it from. That's just me and it's nothing Wrong.

Speaker 1: 5:45

Nor does it take anything from me just to do something simple as that. If I feel great in something, if somebody Compliments me, and I let them know where I got it from what, and they typically feel great in it, right? So basically, I just literally Reciprocate or try to reciprocate things that I enjoy, things that I love, you know, things that matter to me, and Typically I get that back, not all the time, because I'm not doing it just to get it back, but at the end of the day, if a person is pretty, they're pretty. You know a person is Beautiful, they're beautiful. Whether I tell them or not is not gonna take away from the fact that they are what they are, right. So get out there and start telling people what you feel. You know stranger or not. You never know what someone's going through, as I always say, and you never know what that small gesture would do for their day.

Speaker 1: 6:41

Now the next one is acts of service, and this entails doing things you know your loved one would like, and examples could be running their bath, cooking their favorite meal, filling a gas tank. Most people who look at acts of service as their love language tend to live by the motto Action speak louder than words, and I'm really big on that. You know what I mean. I feel as though if you can keep your word to me, then how could I trust you? You know what I mean. If you say that you're gonna do something or if you mention something to me, you know that I care for it, and you fall through, of course, again when human, human experience, stuff happens, that's out of our control. But if you just straight up, just blow me off, that's it, it don't matter, then that determines how I'm gonna treat you, because I Typically am not going to say something or tell someone to hold me accountable to something that I know that I can't do now. Granted, I have failed in these areas before. Again, I'm human. I still fail sometime. But I at least Acknowledge the fact that, hey, I meant to do this. I forgot to slip my mind. This came up. Whatever the case may be, I would love to do this for you another time, or just try to make it up to them in some way for me. I have a huge community that I support, but the community that supports me is very small, minimal. So the people that do genuinely care and reach out to me, I make sure that I go above and beyond to let them know that I care for them. Period, right, it's that simple.

Speaker 1: 8:16

So the third one oh, sorry, I should say fourth. The fourth one is physical touch. Right, this is probably the most common. Affection is given and received by touch, being close physically. Most types of physical touch as a love language also include kissing, hugging and the big kahuna Sex, but this is not all that it means. So a tap on the shoulder, the arm, a hug, you know, things like that. Those are all love languages and this is why I guess the guys in sports slap each other asses and stuff like that and I never understood that. You know physically why to ask, but it's physical touch and they are telling them hey, you, proud of you, good job, whatever the case may be.

Speaker 1: 9:05

So I personally I didn't grow up with much physical touch as a love language. So I incorporated that, incorporated that into my life with my son. So my son knows that, knows that I'll hug him, he knows that I'm gonna tell him I love him, you know, and that's just a part of me. So even though you might not have grown up a certain way, doesn't mean that you can incorporate or remove certain things that you grew up with. Okay, whatever the things is that you love about your parents, that they instilled in you or the people that raised you instilled in you, keep them. Anything that you think is less favorable, leave them. You know what I mean. So I'm not really big on chest-tizing my son, for the most part physically, you know. Number one, he's six feet, I don't know that, but sometimes I have to hit him where it hurts, you know. So if that means putting up the PS5 because you failed a test this week, then we gonna put up that PS5 and see you bring that great up. You know just little things. And I explained to him look, I'm not doing this because I'm trying to punish you. I'm doing this because you're spending so much time on the game that you're failing in your studies, stuff like that, you know. So, always, always, expressing why I did something instead of just saying this is it? You know I'm gonna doubt this is what you want to do.

Speaker 1: 10:21

So typically, those that feel uncomfortable, like I was just saying, with physical touch may have incurred trauma as a kid, which may include, like a trust, trauma from past relationships or sexual encounters. Right, remember that trauma is suppressed emotions and feelings that were never processed. So working through this trauma may change how you feel about physical touch involving others in the future. So, for instance, if you love public displays of affection but you don't necessarily know how to give it, or you're a little awkward I am too sometimes, but I love it there's nothing cuter to me or makes me feel more bubbly inside than, let's say, dating a guy and we're out and about and you know he hugs me or he puts his hands around me, or he holds my hand or you know, just letting it known like you know, this, this is my lady. I think that is one of the most beautiful things that you could do. I absolutely love it. As you could tell, I'm smiling from it. It it just thinking about encounters that I had like that. But again, going back to when I was a child and have that much so, even though I like to receive that, I work on it consistently, giving that more, you know, because my mate might like that as well, right? So With the last one, it is receiving gifts.

Speaker 1: 11:42

Ding ding, ding, ding, ding. Somebody sounded horn. Everybody love receiving gifts, right, yes, but it's deeper than that. Receiving gifts. These are small tokens of appreciation to larger, expensive gifts. It is almost always the thought that counts, though. An example could be buying a loved one their favorite flowers after a long day, or finding an old book they've been trying to locate from their childhood. The point in all of this is that you thought of them when you saw it, so you bought it right Now. This doesn't mean oh, you screwed up. Let me go buy a diamond ring. No, typically little trinkets of appreciation matter. So I don't care if my friends come from the 99 cent store and get me a mug with the letter T on it, I'm stoked. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 12:27

Any little way that I feel like someone thought of me. It really, really resonates with me and I do not forget that. It sticks with me forever. I have a little box above my bed. I have a bookshelf above my bed that literally has all the little trinkets that my friends have given me over the years. So it's like a taco keychain from one of my boys, jimmy Tatt. It's a garter from a wedding that I was in with one of my childhood best friends, jasmine Just all kinds of little things in there that I genuinely care for, that I always want to have with me. And I continue to fill that box and I was thinking, when I fill this box up, what else am I gonna do? I was thinking, maybe get a bigger box, or I just transfer whatever's in that box to something that I could put in my closet, or something like that, and then I start filling it again. So I really, really like that as well.

Speaker 1: 13:19

Now the most popular love languages could I guess it, could, I could, I guess it. It's quality time. And the second are words of affirmation, and that is from Shanecocom, and these also seem to be the easiest right. It's easy for us to spend quality time with a loved one. Now, quality time does not mean being on your phone all the time or being distracted or in your head or not actually listening. A lot of people listen to respond instead of listening to understand, and that is one of the biggest disconnects that we have sometimes within relationships is that you know you hear your partner talking. You just want to respond. You might want to have a solution for them, but sometimes there is no solution. The only solution that we genuinely have is the fact that they got to vent to us and get it out the way. You know what I mean Release it, because, remember what I said feelings and emotions that are not processed turned into trauma.

Speaker 1: 14:17

So I would like to know what you guys favorite love languages are, and if you're not sure, you can go to 5lovelanguagescom to get your love languages Now with minds. It actually was in order of what I explained to you today. My first is quality time. My second is words of affirmation, my third is acts of service, fourth is physical touch and fifth is receiving gifts. So for me, it's not really about where we're going or what we're doing, it's the fact that I'm with you, I'm good. So decide what your love languages is, take the quiz, and I would encourage you to have a conversation with your loved one about that. In addition to that, start expressing these love languages to your friends, to your family and even strangers on the street. Today, I want to go get fingerprinted because I want to volunteer in my area. So that's one of the things that we have to do.

Speaker 1: 15:19

Since I'll be dealing with children and I met this lady that was born in India, raised in Africa and then came to the US, and she just simply asked me what I did and I let her know, and we got into this long spiel about things she did when she was a kid. Her brother didn't get along well, and today, in their culture, you're supposed to give your brother or the many of your life a thread, and then they give you gifts and stuff. So you're literally reciprocating to each other, like I'm going to protect you, you protect me, and she said that her mom had passed some time ago. So, as she's reaching out to her cousins, a lot of emotions that she thought weren't emotions anymore came up and she was really just crying. She's in the shower, crying all this extra stuff and she finally got up the nerve to call her brother and just tell him whatever things that they went through as a child, she was a part of that, she was the culprit in some of those instances and that she was sorry and that she misses their relationship and all of that. And do you know, her brother told her let it go, don't live in the past, we need to live in the moment. And she started booing all over again. I'm like, oh, it's just a confirmation for me, because sometimes that's all we have to do is let it go. You know, you came from India, from to Africa to the US. You're doing well for yourself.

Speaker 1: 16:36

I went to her business to get the fingerprints and she was still beat up about things that happened in their childhood, even as a middle aged adult now and with one of her parents passing, and I'm like sometimes we have to forgive and that forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for us, it's forgiving ourselves for whatever happened or forgiving them ourselves. You know what I mean. In addition to that, when we suppressed all of these feelings and emotions, we think that they went somewhere. They didn't. They're right in that little box that I was just telling you. Like this all my dress are deep down somewhere in your chakras, you know, just waiting to get out and a lot of the times, even though that happened 20, 30 years ago for this woman, in some way she was still moving from that hurt because it was never processed right.

Speaker 1: 17:29

Everybody, stop playing with it. Life is short. Live the life that you want to live. Be the person that you want to be. Remove distractions from your life, because nine to nine to 10, when you're alone, baby, you realize that all the time it's not other people and the people around you, it's you and what you allow and what you succumb to and all of that stuff. But the things that you go through does not define you. There are just lessons never losses, and the point is to be your best self, consistently. So, even though I walk around, you know, given quality time to those that I care for, given those words of affirmation.

Speaker 1: 18:10

Access service, just like I said, I'm gonna start the community service in my area. You know physical touch, receiving gifts, you know doing giveaways and all of that stuff. You never know what it might mean to that person and I just strive to be the person that somebody remembers, like yo. I didn't know how I was gonna make it through that day, but because of tone or because that stranger said something to me, I was able to look at something a different way. That's all that matters to me. I don't care about the fortune, I don't care about the fame. All I want to do is live a life of sincerity, love, caring, authenticity and, most importantly, leading my own life and not being a follower. So you guys, make sure you go to fivelovelanguagescom, check out what your fivelovelanguages is. I love to hear feedback from y'all. As always, you can always reach out to me through any of the social media websites or even through email shadesoftonepodcastatgmailcom. So again, I hope you guys have a wonderful day and an even wonderfuler night and, as always, always, love.