Self Inventory Journey: From Trauma Processing to Thought Transformation

It's time to reevaluate your perspective. Let's journey together into the heart of self-awareness, exploring the power of self-inventory and understanding the influence of triggers in our lives. Through personal anecdotes, I'll help you uncover how I've learned to accept and take accountability for my own emotional reactions. I'll also equip you with the tools to conduct your own self-inventory, placing importance on identifying both your passions and pet peeves. Remember, it's perfectly normal to experience a variety of emotions, and constantly striving for positivity can sometimes do more harm than good.

Furthermore, we'll delve into the significance of processing trauma as part of personal growth, underlining the need to break free from familiar patterns and embark on a mindful pursuit of emotional wellbeing. We'll talk about setting boundaries, reacting mindfully, and transforming our cognitive behavior, even when it feels challenging. I'll even share strategies to simplify the process of changing your thinking patterns. So, let's walk this path together. With each episode, we'll navigate the complexities of self-discovery, allowing space for growth, change, and most importantly, acceptance.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:39

Hey, hey, hey, motives. You already know who it be, so let's do what it do and be what it's gonna be. Now, today's episode is about self inventory and checking yourself before anyone else has two. So a dope quote that I wanted to share with you guys is there's nothing like rejection to make you do an inventory of yourself, and that's by James Lee Burke. So let's get right into it. What is self inventory? It's a questionnaire or series of statements on which participants check characteristics or traits that they perceive to apply to themselves. Now, in layman terms, self inventory explores your strengths, weaknesses, values and motivations in life. So let's touch on triggers too, since I'll be discussing that briefly.

Speaker 1: 1:38

The definition of triggers is a response caused by a particular action, process or situation, for example, a triggered memory from his childhood. Now, this can be difficult at some point, because if you dig deep enough, you're likely to be triggered, which is great, because you then will know to work on said trigger right. So, basically, I easily noticed that someone is triggered because of something they might not know or aren't good at. Although it's no judgment on my part, they will typically feel they need to validate said trigger when it's not even any of my business that you were triggered in the first place. Now, simply being open to knowing why you feel this way and untangling years of guilt, unworthiness or whatever other emotion are steps to removing them. So there's nothing wrong with being triggered. It's having the ability to notice and take accountability like all right. I feel some way now because this person said something or did something. So I'll give you guys an example.

Speaker 1: 2:43

As your tour guide, I know I am humble and always open. I am an open book, open, door open, whatever. So as a kid I felt invisible growing up and I can count how many times I love yous, I'm proud of you, or pass on the back. I've gotten from my parents, specifically in my 37 years on earth. Now I have forgiven both of them. At the end of the day, as a parent, I realized that even though our children physically grow, that we grow more as adults than the children do. Now. I never knew until a few years ago that that's how I felt. I just strived and knew that I wanted to strive to be the person that I needed. But with that I became an overachiever and although I will reach for the stars until I am with them, I sabotaged moments of celebration by immediately moving on to the next goal instead of being able to enjoy, accept and absorb the accomplishment that I already made. Now, I'll admit I still feel guilty just being and not tackling anything for a day or a week, but I've made it a point not to rush anything and to let myself be aware of the present moment.

Speaker 1: 3:53

Now, disclaimer you don't always have to be positive. Being positive is actually toxic. Let me rephrase that being positive all the time is actually a form of toxic positivity. Because you think you should always be positive and without acknowledging emotions like sadness or anger, you're doing yourself a disservice, right? So the person that literally makes you throw up because they're so positive and optimistic and I'm not gonna lie, I am that person sometimes, but my friends also know when I'm a little out of it I need some time to myself and all of that, and I really embrace that, just like I embraced the positivity, optimism in my life.

Speaker 1: 4:35

So let's move on to tips on doing self inventory. So get a pen and a pad. I love pen and pads. I got several books. You can find them at the 99th store, the Dollar Tree, bronson Co factory basically anywhere has blank journals that can look cute. You get your favorite pen, whatever you want to do, or just a piece of paper, whatever the case may be. But I do suggest that you have a notebook and pad or notebook and pen ready so that you can go back and reflect later on.

Speaker 1: 5:06

I found that, going back to my old journal and looking up dates and stuff like that a lot of the times, I was feeling similar in those times. So, for instance, I'll, if I'm journaling today, I'll go look in my journal to see if I wrote in my journal this day last year or the year before or whatever, and I'm really amazed at what I see. Sometime I just proud of myself for how far I have come. So that's just a little pep talk for you to have a book and a pen dedicated to all of the stuff that you're trying to change, evolve and do better in your life. Now, once you have that pen and pad, you're going to write down what you enjoy and what you don't enjoy, right? So for me, something that I absolutely enjoy is tiktok, and I do it in my spare time. All of that I love writing. Give me a pen and a piece of paper in the subject and I have something for you in about 10 minutes.

Speaker 1: 6:03

Something that I do not enjoy is, let's say, being around people that aren't authentic, genuine, they don't seem Like they're being themselves. They have a facade and stuff like that, and you know that you can feel energy, whether somebody talking to my baby. So that's one of the things that I don't care for. I also don't care for getting up early in the morning. Your girl is not a morning bird or early bird or whatever. Um, I'm a night owl. I can stay up to two or three o'clock in the morning every day and I'm totally okay with that. Uh, once I'm in business for myself, completely, my business hours are going to be from 11 to 8, okay. So Right down what you enjoy and what you don't enjoy.

Speaker 1: 6:43

Now you can start as broad as you want and start narrowing it down as you get into it. But as you're picking away these layers, you're going to see and find that you're going to have more and more To write about. So write down what you enjoy and what you don't enjoy, right? So then we're going to list our important values. Important values to me is being loyal Um, being supportive, being loving, being, um you know, having boundaries, having discernment, um, you know, always being my best self, and I try my best not to beat myself up if I am feeling a little down or if it isn't one of those tone motivates days, because, after all, I am human and I'll be lying to you guys If I said that tone motivates was tone motivates 365 days out of the year, 24, 7 Um, typically majority of that time. But it's okay for me to stop, pause, reflect and get back to it when I feel like I need to do so. So, in addition to that, let's also list our strengths and our weaknesses. So I know that my strengths is being supportive.

Speaker 1: 7:57

I know that my strengths is, um, you know, being able to think outside of the box, having that, that optimism, optimism, having a big heart, wanting, um, to help people become better people if they want to, seeing the potential in people and simply letting them know, because a lot of people they just in a haze, they figure, oh my god, I can't do that, and they leave it at that, when a lot of times, a lot of people that we come in contact with have never been held accountable, have never been told hey, maybe you shouldn't be doing this, or hey, this is kind of sabotaging yourself or hey, maybe you need to lose them. You know, use a little more discernment. So I make it a point, if I care for the person, to just simply let them know, have a conversation about it, and if there's something that I feel like directly, um, affects me, then you know, I just put a little bit of distance. Why they figure it out because, remember, we're only in control of our lives. We have no control over other people, what they do, how they think and things like that. So, um, some of my weaknesses would be, um, uh, I could be a little too available to some folks. Um, sometimes, or at one point, I can see someone's potential and clearly just run off of that. Even though it's 18 red flags, I got to literally pull out the dirt before I go see another red flag and pull that one out the dirt. So, um, I'm aware of my weaknesses and I just work on them. You know, um, I just basically do a self inventory Is this people Is this? Are these people showing up how I'm showing up? Are these people supporting me how I do? And, by all means, like I said in a prior episode, if you love someone and you truly want to be there for them and you know that they're having a hard time in their life, then there's nothing to expect and genuinely I don't expect anything from anyone. I'm very independent, I'm very to myself, I know how to go through the motions on my own and all of that. But I also make it a point to realize or be conscious of the folks that are never there when I need them to Show up for me. All right, so that's a A general example of what to put as far as your strengths and weaknesses.

Speaker 1: 9:56

Now Define what success means to you and then list times you felt most powerful or successful. Again, define what success means to you and then list times you felt most powerful or successful. After you're done with that, then define what failure is to you. Then list times you felt powerless and unsuccessful. Now, this isn't. You know, you want to be first place in a triathlon and you came in third place. That's just live, things happen. It doesn't mean that you were a loser. You had an experience, you enjoyed it and you simply just didn't come in first place, but at least you tried. So I feel like as long as you're trying, there is no loss. You're not trying at all is true failure. So just keep that in mind as well. Now this is the quote, unquote triggering part that could be for some of you Think back to your childhood.

Speaker 1: 10:55

Are there any experiences that have negatively impacted your outlook on life? Again, think back on your childhood. Are there any experiences that has negatively impacted your outlook on life? Turn in detail and think of the ways it's impacted your life. With knowing these things, you can come up and develop ways to get over them, get around them and all of that I call this shadow work. Well, a bunch of us do, but in layman terms, it's part of doing self inventory, because a lot of the times we don't know that because our mom did this or our father did this, or our siblings did this, or we felt like we weren't treated like our siblings, or whatever the case may be, it does impact us in the future and it can make us an overachiever, an overindulger, it can make us a people pleaser, all of those things. So by realizing that childhood trauma, you're able to make the rest of your life better.

Speaker 1: 11:58

And again, a lot of people say, oh, I don't have trauma. Everybody has trauma in some way. There's soft trauma and there's hard trauma. Right, soft trauma is things like relationships, things that might have happened in childhood, stuff like that. Nothing physical. Hard trauma is a catastrophe, something happening in your immediate area. An example of that could be Hurricane Katrina, losing someone that was really close to you. Those are hard traumas and a lot of times people don't realize that.

Speaker 1: 12:30

If you don't process your trauma or process your emotions, I should say that that is what turns into a trauma. So you can be the dopest person in the world, have all the money in the world, all that stuff. If you refuse to process your emotions, that is then going to compartmentalize and, in turn, turn into trauma. Yeah, excuse me, and all my blips and stuff like that. I talk too much to be messing up, but it is what it is. Again, I am human.

Speaker 1: 13:00

Ok, now moving on, think of how you can begin to get away from these old patterns and start a more conscious effort to feel better about how you show up in your world, whether it's boundaries surrounding yourself, with different folks, stopping or starting something, etc. It's all up to you because, remember, your life is in the control of you and, at the end of the day, if you can accept and take accountability for things that happened, accepting it, releasing it and letting it go. You then have a clean slate that you can work on. Now, of course, none of this stuff is going to happen overnight, you know. But by you actually putting it out in the universe, you're writing it down, you're being conscious of it, you're taking accountability of it. You're going to, consciously and subconsciously a little bit, start to move a little differently. You know you don't want to feel this way, so you're not going to be around.

Speaker 1: 13:56

The friend that consistently nags and, you know, tells you anytime that you're venting that you shouldn't be venting because your life is better than theirs. Like, come on, bruh, everybody has their own thing. Everybody has their own experiences. Nobody is better than the other. But if I'm venting and I feel safe with you to be vulnerable, at least be able to listen to me and give sound advice, if not just to listen, because all the time people don't need advice, baby, we don't always need your opinion, we just need to listen. You feel me. So just remember all of that stuff Now.

Speaker 1: 14:25

Cognitive behavior changes take time, but you owe it to yourself to do the work. After all, you're the only one who knows what you're thinking day in and day out. And why? Said thinking makes you react certain ways in certain situations. So I do have some credits the dictionary of psychology and the Gooseburg education site that I took a couple things off of to talk to you guys today and make sure I had some scholarly articles. You know I mean to back up my work, but if you are interested in any more information on how to do self inventory, you know, as always, you are always welcome to reach out to me. I am an open book, an open door, and I am here for you guys.

Speaker 1: 15:14

So even though this show was a little deep, I wanted to keep it short and sweet. I didn't want to overwhelm you guys. I didn't want to drown out the fact that this isn't that difficult. You have to be lighthearted with going in it and being gentle with yourself. Ok, so don't beat yourself up if you seem to only have negative things to put on a piece of paper. You know you don't have any things to define the success, but you can define being unsuccessful or powerless, because a lot of times we don't notice how much impact we have on others. So if you can't find things that are of value or positive to put on your list. I would ask the people that you trust most around you hey, what do you appreciate most about me? What is your most successful memory of me? What is a time that I did something and it just blew you away? You know what is something that I do all the time that's a pet peeve of yours or that you might look at as something I need to work on.

Speaker 1: 16:14

Now, again, this is all on you and what you want to do. By no means you go to the toxic person or the karmic person in your life and ask them these questions. You know what I mean. You have to feel safe with someone to be able to ask this, and, in turn, you might not want to ask anybody. You might want to ask somebody a month later, when you've been working on it for a while. Whatever it is, make it work for you and remember that this is your life. You're the only one at the end of the night laying there with your thoughts running through everything that you did for the day and how you could have did it better. And all that whether you have a significant other layer next to you or not, whether you lay in the bed by yourself. You are with yourself and your thoughts, so make the most of them.

Speaker 1: 16:53

And a lot of people think it's so difficult or impossible to change your way of thinking. And guess what, guys? It really isn't. It isn't. It takes some time. I'm not going to say that. It's dumb, easy and oh my God. All you got to do is do this list and that's it. But it is more simple than people lead to believe. So let me know how you guys did on your tips of doing self inventory. You know again, reach out if you need anything from me, if you need some more tips, if you want a free worksheet. As always, you know I'm here for you and, as always, fikki, fikki, always love, love you guys. Peace out.